The Laziness of Grief

“I just do not want to do anything.”

“I can’t wait to go to bed but when I get up, I’m still exhausted.”

“I feel so lazy.”

These are all comments I have heard during grief therapy sessions. The idea of grief laziness is so common C.S. Lewis wrote about it in his famous book about grief, A Grief Observed, “And no one ever told me about the laziness of grief.”

I like to share this quote because it normalizes the feeling of being lazy, tired, and exhausted. Grief is exhausting. Much of that comes from just trying to function, putting on the mask, and getting through the day. The effort it takes just to make it through the grocery store, listen to the meaningless chatter at work, feed the kids when all you want to do is scream, “What does it matter! He is dead! How can this be my life!” I encourage clients to acknowledge this pain and confusion, maybe even scream at times. When you cannot scream, writing is a good way to express this pain.

Trying to hold it together all the time is exhausting. A client once told me the story of eating at a restaurant with a family member that he and his now dead wife frequented and he started crying at the table, covering his face with a napkin. When he went to pay for his meal someone at another table had silently paid for his meal and he never knew who it was.

It is okay to be hurting, to be emotional, to be human. Those who get it, get it.