I drove along Highway 67 in Northeast Arkansas a few days ago and fall harvest season was in full swing. Tractors and combines were out in the fields harvesting the crops. I thought about how rewarding that must feel for the farmers. They started months ago with seeds and now the benefits of their hard work will be enjoyed.
But what happens when you don’t get to enjoy the harvest? When everything you worked your whole life for falls apart?
As a grief therapist this is something I see often in widows and widowers at retirement age. I hear phrases like,
“We worked so hard and now we don’t get to enjoy it together.”
“We made so many plans and now she’s gone.”
"This is not what I thought my life would be like.”
Couples work not just months, but years on a plan, a dream, and it is taken away when a spouse dies.
The result is often, anger, frustration, sadness and a “what now” feeling.
A lot of the work we do together in grief therapy is establishing, what is my relationship NOW with my deceased loved one and how do I continue it moving forward? Maybe that means to go forward with some of the plans you made together because they did not live to enjoy them. It means taking that trip to see the sunrise over the Grand Canyon or to see the autumn leaves because you know they would have loved it.
Our connections to our loved ones are not only in the past but it the present and future as well. All relationships change over time and the relationship with your loved one did not die with them, it changed.
Comments